Hate Creates More Hate

When I was a little girl, my Mafooka (grandfather) sent me a Valentine's Day card with the  Eiffel Tower on it. It was one of those cards that lights up and makes sounds. I loved it then and still do; to this day, it has always sat on my desk. When we were in China, it was on my desk. When we were in Oman, I hung it up on my wall. Now, it sits on my desk again. When I see it, it makes me think of my Mafooka.

Today, I was getting ready and I walked past my desk. I saw my Valentine's Day card and decided that I wanted to understand more about the Paris attacks. The attacks on Paris were awful! It breaks my heart to think so many were killed and injured. Through the news and through articles online I see that people are in full support of Paris. I love that so many people are taking a stand against the horrible people who committed this crime. However, I also see people blaming Muslims. Yes, the people who committed these horrible crimes were Muslim, but that doesn't mean that ALL Muslims are like this. That's like saying ALL Chinese people are good at math. I'm terrible at math! Many of my bestfriends are Muslim and none of them have never thought or talked about killing, bombing, etc. In fact, many are just as horrified about what happened in Paris as you and I are.

We talk about wanting peace for Paris, but how is hating on Muslims who had nothing to do with the attacks creating peace? It doesn't do anything but create more hate. I've had the opportunity to meet and get to know Muslims from the Middle East. They're a population of kind, giving, and friendly people. Sure, I've met crappy Muslims, but I've also met crappy Christians, Atheists, Catholics, etc. there are crappy people in every race, culture, and faith. You can't judge a faith by a small percentage of the people. I stand with Paris, but I do not stand for the hate that the Muslim population is facing. 

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month and today (November 9th) is adoption day! From what I understand, this month is about helping people to better understand adoption. I've been VERY, VERY lucky in that all of my family and friends have always seen me as one of their own. I've always been a Mehaffey-Kultgen in their eyes. However, I have had people say to me, "Oh, you're a foster child!" They never say it in a malicious way, but I thought I would write about what I want people to better understand; adoption and foster care are not the same thing.

Don't get me wrong, foster care is an amazing thing, but it isn't the same as adoption. When I was in the 5th grade, someone asked me why I didn't look like my mom and I told them it was because I was born in China to two other people. My mom and dad adopted me and raised me in Texas. She then said, "Oh, I get it! She's your foster-mom!" No, Candace Michele Mehaffey-Kultgen is very much my real mom and John Edward Kultgen is very much my real dad. In my mind, they are more real than my biological parents. They're the ones who have raised me, taken care of me, and supported me! My biological parents gave me life, but my mom and dad taught me how to live it. They have always loved me and supported me unconditionally. I'm really lucky in that my parents have ALWAYS looked at me like I am one of their own because that's what adoption is. I may not be of their flesh and blood, but I am still their child and never for a moment have either of them made me feel any different.

One of the biggest difference is that foster care is temporary and my adoption is permanent. December 7th of 99' I became a Mehaffey-Kultgen and that can never be changed. No matter how mad I make them, they're stuck with me for life!!! In many cases, children that are put into foster care have abusive or unfit parents (money issues, personal issues, etc.). My mom and dad are not abusive or unfit in any way. Unlike foster parents, my parents are not given a monthly stipend to help with my care. (Too bad, that could really help with college tuition!) When I was in 6th grade, a boy told me that my parents purchased me at a convenience store. While I wasn't purchased at a convince store, my mom and dad did have to pay an adoption fee, unlike foster parents. 

These are just a few major differences between foster care and adoption, but above all, just like a woman who has given birth to their baby sees that child as their real child, I am my mom and dads real child. Just because someone else gave birth to me doesn't mean I am any less of a Mehaffey-Kultgen than my cousins are. Honestly, my hope for this blog post and this month is for more people to understand. Both foster care and adoption bring amazing opportunities to children, but they're not the same. I am and always will be a Mehaffey-Kultgen and I'm proud of it! 

"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bond,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute, 

You didn't grow under my heart - but in it" 

-Fleur Conkiling Hegliger