Asian Roots

As many of y'all know I LOVE K-Pop. I started liking K-Pop when I was in 8th grade; by this time I'd lived in China for a year (3 in total) and I'd heard a lot of K-Pop, J-Pop, and Chinese Pop. I always thought it was annoying, crap music, but then I became OBSESSED for about a year. Of course, I stilled loved my rap music, but I listened to mostly K-Pop. This fizzled for a while during my freshman year and then every so often I would listen to only K-Pop. I call these phases my, "extremely Asian phases." Typically, during these phases I listen to only Asian music and watch only Asian movies/tv shows.

Right now I'm going through the whole only Asian thing. I started listening to BigBang (My fav K-Pop group) on Spotify and got to thinking, "If I hadn't been in China, would I have ever found K-Pop and my love for it?" I'm not sure... I mean I would have known it's out there, but would I listen to it as much as I do?? 

I've noticed that a lot of other adoptees listen to K-Pop. This lead me to think that maybe it is because of our Asian roots. We don't have a way to completely learn about our motherlands or culture, so we listen to K-Pop as a way to connect. I started pondering this and I realized that I probably wouldn't have liked K-Pop if we hadn't gone to China because when I was a kid I wanted nothing to do with my Asianness. I wanted to be, "white, like my mom and dad." I literally said that and when people asked where I was from I'd say Texas! This didn't change till we had lived in China. Don't get me wrong, by the time I was 7 I would say I was from China, but I still didn't care about learning about the culture or about any Asian cultures. 

Whatever the reason is, I'm really glad I found K-Pop. It gives me that perfect balance of Chinese-American. Don't get me wrong, I never felt incomplete when I wasn't listening to K-Pop, but it has helped me feel more connected to that Asian side of myself. If y'all want to check out K-Pop, then I would highly recommend listening to Spotify's K-Pop playlists! My favs are BigBang, Aomg, Exo-K, 2PM, and Jay Park. Although, Jay Park is more Korean Rap. What can I say, I love rap music. :D

新年快乐！(Happy Chinese New Year!)

One of my favorite things about being Chinese is their zodiac signs! Okay, that's not true. My favorite thing is that my skin is going to stay smooth forever and I'll always look younger because Chinese skin. Haha! Anyway, Monday, February 8th is Chinese New Year. This year is the year of the monkey! Unfortunately, the year of the tiger won't come back around till 2022. Many of y'all may not believe in zodiac signs and typically I don't, but I do believe in my Chinese zodiac sign! For this post I figured I would tell you a little about my zodiac sign. I was born March 20th, 1998. That means that I am an Earth Tiger! Woohoo! Although, I would have preferred the Water Tiger because water is my favorite element.

Anyway, back to the year of the tiger. I did a little research and I found that many Chinese people avoid having children in the year of the tiger because tiger girls are equivalent with what we would call dragon ladies; they're what I call HBICs! The basic traits of Earth Tigers are that they are responsible, level headed, truth seekers, and reasonable. Earth Tigers are also natural born leaders, honest, and intense. I change my mind, I like being an Earth Tiger! I also learned that Earth Tigers are stubborn and determined. Obviously, that isn't me because I'm not stubborn at all. (It's a good thing it's not cloudy outside or I would have been struck by lightening!)

The two most interesting things I learned from my research is that tigers are considered very lucky. Before mom and dad brought me to the U.S. they were having drinks with their friends and trying to think of a name for me. One of their friends said they should call me Lucky! They ended up with the longest name in the world, Alexandria Mehaffey Kultgen, but that friend of theirs always called me Lucky! It became a nickname and to this day I have a bracelet with the word lucky written on it. The other really interesting thing I learned was that tigers get along best with horses, dragons, and pigs. Mom is the year of the horse. It seems to me that even before we were matched we were supposed to be mother and daughter. It was written in the stars! (That was so cheesy; I'm so sorry. Haha!)

Find out what year you are! Maybe you'll get lucky and this year will be your year!

 http://www.chinahighlights.com/travelguide/chinese-zodiac/

Things I Have Learned In 2015

I recently started to become more involved in the adoptee community; specifically, in the Asian and Chinese adoptee community. I don't know many adoptees, let alone Asian adoptees, soooo I figured it would be cool to connect. In many ways, it has, but it has also taught me about a different side of adoption.

I figured since it's the first day of 2016, I would share 5 things that I learned from my fellow adoptees.

1. Not every adoptee is well adjusted.
This probably sounds like a slam, but it really isn't. I know 8 adoptees and only 1 of them is Asian (Hey, Joe!). Out of all of those adoptees, they are all very well adjusted, at least I think they are. They don't seem to harbor any resentment towards their biological parents and they seem to completely think of their adoptive parents as their "real" parents. You can imagine my surprise when I started to get involved in the adoptee community and many adoptees would bitch (sorry, not sorry for cussing) about how they didn't know their biological families. I was stunned and frankly, it annoyed me, but I will get into that in another post.
2. The majority are actively or seek to search for their biological families.
I was surprised by the number of adoptees searching. I figured it would be some, but not the majority. I have never felt the need to find my biological family, but I do enjoy hearing the stories from the adoptees who have found them. I have written about the positive and negative scenarios I have played out in my mind and at this time, I don't think the positives out weigh the negatives. I have no intention of finding my birth family, maybe one day I will, but for now I don't need or want to.
3. They have a gap where their biological family is.
This was one discovery that baffled me. A gap? How can their be a gap? I have no gap. I have never felt abandoned, except for that time that my dad accidentally left me in the car. :D I'm still learning about the gap and I'm sure when I fully understand or at least understand more, then I will write a post about it.
4. They were PISSED about the one child policy change.
I wrote about the one child policy change and my feelings are still the same. I will forever love the one child policy because I have been given so much because of my adoption. I have the best parents in the world because of my adoption. Sure, I don't know if I have my birth mother's eyes, but I do know I get my love for travel and my love for stating my mind from my mom. Who cares if the one child policy is now gone? All it says to me is that now millions of Chinese baby girls aren't going to receive the same opportunities as my generation.
5. The majority have the same questions as I do.
"Why was I given up for adoption?"
"Who do I get my different features from?"
"Do I have any siblings?"
"HEY! Is that Asian person, who looks a little like me, related to me?!

While I am very different from the majority of the adoptees I have connected with, I still like getting to know them. We may disagree on certain topics regarding adoption, but we're still a community. In the coming posts, I may sound a bit harsh about the adoptees I disagree with, but know that even when we disagree,  I still like hearing their different opinions.

Hate Creates More Hate

When I was a little girl, my Mafooka (grandfather) sent me a Valentine's Day card with the  Eiffel Tower on it. It was one of those cards that lights up and makes sounds. I loved it then and still do; to this day, it has always sat on my desk. When we were in China, it was on my desk. When we were in Oman, I hung it up on my wall. Now, it sits on my desk again. When I see it, it makes me think of my Mafooka.

Today, I was getting ready and I walked past my desk. I saw my Valentine's Day card and decided that I wanted to understand more about the Paris attacks. The attacks on Paris were awful! It breaks my heart to think so many were killed and injured. Through the news and through articles online I see that people are in full support of Paris. I love that so many people are taking a stand against the horrible people who committed this crime. However, I also see people blaming Muslims. Yes, the people who committed these horrible crimes were Muslim, but that doesn't mean that ALL Muslims are like this. That's like saying ALL Chinese people are good at math. I'm terrible at math! Many of my bestfriends are Muslim and none of them have never thought or talked about killing, bombing, etc. In fact, many are just as horrified about what happened in Paris as you and I are.

We talk about wanting peace for Paris, but how is hating on Muslims who had nothing to do with the attacks creating peace? It doesn't do anything but create more hate. I've had the opportunity to meet and get to know Muslims from the Middle East. They're a population of kind, giving, and friendly people. Sure, I've met crappy Muslims, but I've also met crappy Christians, Atheists, Catholics, etc. there are crappy people in every race, culture, and faith. You can't judge a faith by a small percentage of the people. I stand with Paris, but I do not stand for the hate that the Muslim population is facing. 

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month and today (November 9th) is adoption day! From what I understand, this month is about helping people to better understand adoption. I've been VERY, VERY lucky in that all of my family and friends have always seen me as one of their own. I've always been a Mehaffey-Kultgen in their eyes. However, I have had people say to me, "Oh, you're a foster child!" They never say it in a malicious way, but I thought I would write about what I want people to better understand; adoption and foster care are not the same thing.

Don't get me wrong, foster care is an amazing thing, but it isn't the same as adoption. When I was in the 5th grade, someone asked me why I didn't look like my mom and I told them it was because I was born in China to two other people. My mom and dad adopted me and raised me in Texas. She then said, "Oh, I get it! She's your foster-mom!" No, Candace Michele Mehaffey-Kultgen is very much my real mom and John Edward Kultgen is very much my real dad. In my mind, they are more real than my biological parents. They're the ones who have raised me, taken care of me, and supported me! My biological parents gave me life, but my mom and dad taught me how to live it. They have always loved me and supported me unconditionally. I'm really lucky in that my parents have ALWAYS looked at me like I am one of their own because that's what adoption is. I may not be of their flesh and blood, but I am still their child and never for a moment have either of them made me feel any different.

One of the biggest difference is that foster care is temporary and my adoption is permanent. December 7th of 99' I became a Mehaffey-Kultgen and that can never be changed. No matter how mad I make them, they're stuck with me for life!!! In many cases, children that are put into foster care have abusive or unfit parents (money issues, personal issues, etc.). My mom and dad are not abusive or unfit in any way. Unlike foster parents, my parents are not given a monthly stipend to help with my care. (Too bad, that could really help with college tuition!) When I was in 6th grade, a boy told me that my parents purchased me at a convenience store. While I wasn't purchased at a convince store, my mom and dad did have to pay an adoption fee, unlike foster parents. 

These are just a few major differences between foster care and adoption, but above all, just like a woman who has given birth to their baby sees that child as their real child, I am my mom and dads real child. Just because someone else gave birth to me doesn't mean I am any less of a Mehaffey-Kultgen than my cousins are. Honestly, my hope for this blog post and this month is for more people to understand. Both foster care and adoption bring amazing opportunities to children, but they're not the same. I am and always will be a Mehaffey-Kultgen and I'm proud of it! 

"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bond,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute, 

You didn't grow under my heart - but in it" 

-Fleur Conkiling Hegliger

Forever Grateful To The One Child Policy

Today, China has decided to end the one-child policy. This policy stated that families could only have one child and most families in China wanted boys. This led to thousands upon thousands of Chinese baby girls begin killed or given up for adoption, myself included.

Honestly, I have never hated the one-child policy. I'm actually immensely thankful to the one-child policy because it is the reason that I was put up for adoption. If I could go back in time I would not change a thing. I've seen the orphanages and I know what my life would have been like had I not been adopted. Since I was adopted, I've been given opportunities that parallel universe, non-one-child policy Alex could only dream of.

The news of China revoking the one-child policy didn't make me feel any different about my life. It didn't make me wonder what my life would have been like had the one-child policy been revoked before I was born, but it did make me sad for the lives of future Chinese baby girls. Since they won't be given up for adoption they won't know what they are missing out on, but I do. I know that growing up in China will be much harder for them. Don't get me wrong, I love China, but I know that as an American raised girl I have more opportunities than that of a Chinese raised girl. 

One Child

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy with school and college apps. Anyway, I solemnly swear to do better in the future!!

*SPOILERS, but not big ones.*

Sundance recently released a TV show called One Child. As the name suggests, it's about the one child policy that is still going on in China today. It's way relaxed now, but it still exists. Anyway, the adoptee receives a message from a person in China telling her that her biological younger brother is being falsely convicted of murder. Her mother is asking for her help to correct the false conviction. The adoptee goes to China and meets her adopted mother for the first time. *Gasp* The mother didn't invite her! It was a friend. Even though her mother didn't invite her or contact her, her mother still wants her to help her younger brother.

I've been watching one episode a night on Netflix and it got me thinking, "What would I do if  my biological family contacted me?" I've honestly never thought about it because I didn't think they ever would. I've imagined the worst case scenario and the best.

Worst: They would want something from me. I know this sounds awful, but it is my worst case scenario. I've spent a lot of time in China and learned about the Chinese culture. They're all about the connections and bettering their lives and the lives of their family members. If I can help further their lives or make it better, they're all for it. I'm not so worried that my biological parents would want something. More my siblings because I was the one with more opportunities in life. Again, I know it's awful to think such a thing about people who are related to me, but I'm not naive and in Chinese culture it wouldn't be considered a bad thing.

Best (Also, what I hope for.): A situation like my moms. My parents would be so excited to meet me and we'd get along great! I'd gain two more parents and possibly one or more siblings. I'd finally get to know why they gave me up and I'd learn whose features I have inherited. Also, I'd get to learn my medical history. (Which would be nice, since I never know what to tell the doctor's office. :D) Sure, at first it would be hard, but eventually, it would be like my German family. We would vacation together and my future kids would get to have more cousins. In my best case scenario, I envision something like this.